I was thinking about all that's happened over the past few days ( I seem to be doing an inventory of my life on a weekly basis) and I've realised two things. Firstly, I've never let myself to move on from Duncan cos I was afraid that I would never allow myself to love again and that I liked the feeling when I'm in love. Now that I've moved on, I do feel this overwhelming feeling of.. loss? I know it's better to have love and lost then to never have loved at all but what's the point of putting my heart out there to love someone so wholeheartedly and just get a feeling of loss and rejection at the end?

And secondly, there's the issue of friends. I've always been a loyal friend. Even when the going gets tough, and my friends can't get going, I get going for them. I've been betrayed by a friend. I've managed to put it out of my mind and assume an 'everything's peachy' approach to whatever concerns her but it's disgusting to know that she's been attempting to weave me into her play and make me a pawn in her game. I'm smarter than this. I've been at this 'game' longer than anyone could care to fathom. I do not like to be trifled with. If not for my exorbitant patience, she'd be getting more than an earful by now. After a good long chat with the bestie yesterday, I've realised that I let myself get too deep in her issues and that's why I felt the betrayal. I don't know how I'm going to look at her the same way again.

On a brighter, less demented note, Mike should be out of the hospital by now. It's hilarious to watch him keep us (Benny, Natty and myself) entertained when he was "doped up to my eyeballs with morphine" and tryna fight the urge to sleep. I just wish my prayer of a speedy recovery happens sooner (he's intent on skateboarding as soon as he gets home) rather than later cos he just might endanger another limb at the rate he's going. So God, if you're reading, you know what to do. (: