Distraction d'inspirational

Presently, I'm still stuck in school (with no fault of my own) waiting for LG to finish with school so she can could accompany me in satisfying my mum's urge of getting me a new set of clothes for monday. I guess she's more enthusiastic than I am. I am excited, don't get me wrong, it's just not the usual elatedness I usually feel. I'm not sure why this is so either. It's just a year older. Although the more the responsibilities, the more determined and proud of myself I[d be if I overcome and handle all that's been put up for me. I guess I'm resigned to being a loner on Monday, some have forgotten, some aren't free, one person I want to celebrate with me is incommunicado and the people who'd usually create a big song and dance about the day are in Oz. I wish I was back home with them.. the gorgeous skies, sweet smell of the air, glorious weather and breath-taking scenery.

I miss my dark warrior. I keep telling myself I don't but there are too many memories that say otherwise. I'm determined to stay strong and will myself to continue ignoring the heartache I know will follow if I let myself fall back into the grasps of .. after all, why be an option in someone's life when they were a priority in yours? I know it's not me to be selfish, but I guess I need to develop and maintain this mindset if I want to progress on with all that life has to offer me. I miss the matches, the anxious moments waiting by the door- waiting for him to come strolling in or looking towards him for assurance and that charming smile I knew would put my mind at ease but send my heart ricocheting across my heart cavity. I lived off that energy. I find myself not as exhausted, but more empty.

As the new continuum for the decade commences, I'll just have to pull myself together and enjoy myself. I'm not looking forward to it being CCCP on Monday since the last paper we did might be returned and since he's so anal with his marking, I'm not even going to address the issue on the paper should he return it. I'm determined not to let him, or anyone else for that matter wreck my mood on Monday.

I've planned so many things for so many people before but I was trying to recollect the last time anything was done for me. I remember last year's surprise, the tie-in with the folks at Swensens... but really, for my exuberance, it's a little tame. I feel like I'm being unfair as I type this but am I really? Don't I deserve a little bit more? I'm getting tired of making everyone happy but myself. I take great pains in getting things perfect (like LG's surprise last month) and NY and GL's surprises last year without expecting anything in return... but after talking to a couple of mates last night, I realised people are selfish or just do what's convenient. As long as they're happy, that's all there's to it. Don't start growling at this point, what I'm merely trying to say is perhaps I shouldn't be so... selfless? But that's what I like about myself.. my selflessness. How many people can truly say there are selfless in most things they do?

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