I've lost so much of my restraint. I feel helpless on so many fronts I don't know which to start with. Relationships- fail. Friendships- struggling. Temple- surviving. School- crumbling. How do I go on like this? I've realised, during one of my reflective moods on train rides to school, that although I help SO many people, from anything to legal stuff to medical stuff to normal day-to-day stuff, but when it comes to me and needing someone to talk to, I'm alone. I hold myself up. Yes, people say I'm strong that way but the strong aren't infallible.
He's a vanishing streak of light in my life. Time to move on. I tell the head that but the heart refuses to budge-it's adamant, I don't blame it. I wish my heart wasn't so soft sometimes. That I could rule fully with just my head. But how far can a brain go with no feelings to push it through the more grueling processes life throws at you? I'm sick of people telling me " you know I'm here for you' and never thinking to ask how you've been after finding out a potentially disturbing situation. I know some of my friends are secretive. They don't mention anything that happens with vague answers such as "I'll let you know when I know" or "it's not right yet for me to tell you". Keeping me in the dark even after I tell you so much is not how I'd expect one to repay my concern-by shirking it off. I'd rather not say anything anymore. Better that way innit? I reckon it is. I feel so detached.