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Saturday, 17 January 2009 8:19 pm
sorting out and compartmentalising.

Okay.. so it looks like I haven't forgotten how to love after all. Or maybe I was just being emotionless. I had a much-needed massage yesterday to get rid of all the kinks and knots and the masseuse, bless her soul, decided that I was in need of a heart-to-heart. Perhaps I didn't know what to perceive it as, considering that I've been alone so long, but when we started our little talk I realised that one person in my mind refused to budge. He just stayed there, smiling merrily to himself in that innocently quiet way that has the ability to literally take my breath away.

I've always felt that I've had enough love to go around for all my family, friends and loved ones but I don't think I've felt like this since... since...well. I've also realised I've managed (although I have absolutely no clue how that is physically and emotionally possible) to compartmentalise the various relationships I've found in the past year or less. The 'not possibles', 'won't work outs', 'yeah rights' and 'I wishs'. I've found my 'if possible'.

Sorry if I've been all scatterbrained and spaced out. Alot of unwarranted emotions and emo jags. I can't help myself. I think its a passing phase. I'm sure like everything else, I'll get through this too. All a matter of time eh? Stricken? Confused? Unsure? Inadequacy? Fear? Put it all in a martini glass, add a dash of vodka, salt the rim and hand it to me- neither shaken nor stirred. Straight up would be just nice for this mood.
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